Of Reds & Indians.
Cleveland & Cincinnati, Ohio
Summer 2008
It went without saying that Roachie & I would go on a baseball road trip once I was back from Nova Scotia for the summer.
We affixed Clarkson, AI & Roachie's little brother to the road trip roster and set off for a game in Cleveland first; then another in Cincinnati the next day.
Normally there is one specific liquor store which I always go to because there is nothing around it and the boys are not dressed for rougher areas.
That plan was foiled though when the new bridge construction shot us out down-river and far past International Liquor0. Therefore we continued up Fort Street into Melvindale0.5 to one of the first liquor stores which I had ever been to.
They had Original Coors & Jooze; so they had all we needed.
(We bought something like 10 Original Coors tall cans between the 5 of us; so I had to use my 1/2 foot height advantage to help out my Muggsy Bogues1-like counterparts.
Each of us were a tall Coors into the drive when this guy got quite the reaction from the boys; who hadn't seen a good old American motorcycling helmet-less before.
The above guy also had a breathing tube which looked like one of those contraptions that chain smokers get. You have to respect that level of disregard for one's health.
When you avoid the pike from Toledo to Cleveland you have to take Highway 2, which has only a handful of gas stations.
Knowing this, we stopped at the first spot in Oregon, Ohio for some gasoline and munchies. Roachie was saying how he wanted to grab some beers here when I noticed the Edmund Fitzgerald beer.
I took to whole heartedly trying to convince Roachie to purchase this beer with enthusiasm and singing of Gordon Lightfoot - but he wasn't having it; and instead he bought some Leinenkugel's1.5.
This was the first time I had avoided the Ohio Pike by taking Highway 2. I had no idea about its existence as I had only driven across Northern Ohio once; where I took the pike because I didn't know any better.
Roachie showed me the light of Highway 2 and also, the highway's passing of the David-Besse Nuclear Power Station. The highway comes impressively close to the cooling towers and it really is a sight to see.
They say time flies when you're having fun, so drinking with friends and seeing new roads passed the time quick and we were soon into Cleveland.
One particular highlight was Roachie & I sharing war stories about Joose with his little brother. I actually regretted it afterward, because he drank it extremely slowly; especially after hearing about how it causes Donnie to have nightmares.
We found our hotel, checked in, then quickly hit the streets. We stopped at some bar near Jacobs Field and had a few tall Budweisers, before making our way over to collect our free retro cheese graters a la free retro cheese grater day.
I already added these pictures to facebook and GW had to ask why I wasn't in the group picture wearing mine...yes, it didn't fit.
My life absent of specialty hats continues.
I had just wrestled Grady Sizemore away from Little Roachie in fantasy, so I was super psyched for the day; while he was not.
The view of Cleveland from the upper deck of Jacobs Field Progressive Field.
Prior to leaving, I was telling my friend from school in Nova Scotia, GW, about this road trip. He asked what day we would be in Cleveland and surprisingly informed me that a group of his friends would be at the same game.
Since I knew one of them enough to consider him a friend more so than an acquaintance, I got his number from GW so that I could catch an inning or two with them.
GW had heard plenty of Joose stories, so he had one request - that I bring his friend some. So in the D, I bought one extra Joose and from the hotel and it sat in my back pocket until the stadium where I snuck it in.
GW & I were both excited about the prospect of a Larry Joose story; but the usher eyed us steadfastly and our friend Larry had to take it easy.
Despite that disappointment, Larry and his buddy Nick still brought a good story.
They were at Wrigley in Chicago the day prior and they drove over to Cleveland on this day. They stopped at some all-American rest stop in a run down part of South Bend, Indiana2; and at said rest stop, Nick found a $10, leather vest with an American flag and stitched "U.S.A." on it.
Nick was sold and off came his shirt and on came this vest.
I was passed their camera and shown about 30 pictures of Nick walking through the rougher areas of South Bend in a sleeveless, leather vest with an American flag and "U.S.A." on it.
So good.
This was also the time where I ran into friends that had just visited the D and they showed me a picture of 'this crazy äbandoned building they saw.'
Of course, it will be better when they tear that down, since it poses an immediate threat and it is a far better spot for money to be spent than the 1000's of burnt out crackhouses around the city.
This update is making it seem as if I was sitting with Larry & Nick for the majority of the game, when I actually only spent about 2 innings in their section. I returned to my designated section and the boys were plenty intoxicated. We grabbed some nachos and continued to enjoy the game outside from the brief period when some girls spilt beer on me around the 7th inning.
I felt a couple drops, then a large amount of beer without any interruption in their laughter, so I promptly stood up and gave them quite the piece of my mind. Clarkson, AI and the 2 Roachies sat in amazement as most people do when they see me get angry for the first time3.
This game was the first I've ever seen in person that has went to extra innings. Kevin Kouzmanoff hit a grand slam in the top of the 10th for the Padres and the Indians couldn't come back. Roachie had Kouzmanoff and was excited, while I was indifferent to the 2 walks Grady Sizemore got me & the clean inning Joe Borowski pitched me.
Once the Indians lost, the rest of the group made for the hotel while I split off in search of a liquor store and a corresponding 40. I asked the hotel clerk and to my amazement, he said the nearest liquor store was a mile away!
He asked if I wanted a cab and I declined; instead taking to the Cleveland streets on foot. There wasn't a soul around except for a homeless dude who I tried to ask as he ran away from me.
I eventually found myself in the above lobby and the security guard didn't have a clue where one was either.
Negative points for Cleveland.
I gave up after talking to that security guard and returned to the hotel. Walking into the lobby, I ran into AI and we headed out for the night.
The first place we went was some chill pub where I enjoyed a Blue Moon and AI bought a round of cahh bombs.
I quickly realized how much that walk/lack of a liquor store helped me, as I was quite waxed at this point already - imagine if I would have found that elusive 40.
We didn't stay at the pub long as it was pretty empty. Instead we opted for a worse place that had more people.
In the above picture, you see a guy in a blue wife beater who was the lead singer and performed god awful songs like Butterfly by Crazy Town. He then asked if anyone could come up and sing Ice Ice Baby. I think he expected to half help the person, but this nerdy guy showed up and knew EVERY SINGLE WORD to the song.
We stood in amazement.
(You can also see girls on the right taking the typical 'hand-held-shot-of-us-at-the-bar' picture that dominates all 639 pictures of some girl's facebooks.)
Who am I kidding? Those pictures dominate my facebook as well!
Anyway, I have a blank spot in my memory, but somehow left with just AI to get some food. I had a gyro and I can't remember the side. We then ran into Clarkson and took a cab back to the hotel for $7.
The Cincinnati game the next day was at 1pm.
I awoke sometime around 9 and we were supposed to leave Cleveland at 7am. I heard grumblings of "we'll never make it now", but I wasn't having it. I took to motivating the troops and we were on the highway by 10 a.m. to tackle the 4 hour drive in 3 hours.
I was excited to ensure Roachie that I would keep him company, as I had never taken the 71 from Cleveland to Cincy in my life.
There actually wasn't much to see on the ride - above is a car towing a plane on 71. It doesn't beat the car pulling a trailer with a golf cart with a bicycle that Andy saw though.
There were also some great Christian nut job signs; although they didn't compete with the "1 dead, 1 wounded - abortion" billboard that Monaghan saw on the way back from Chicago.
Everyone from the midwest knows that you don't speed in Ohio; but Roachie took the risk in an attempt to get us to the game on time.
Amazingly, Roachie was doing 90 to 100 mph (approx. 145 - 160 kph) for the entire stretch of I-71 and nothing happened. Was this some magical stretch of highway inside Ohio which the staties didn't monitor?
We actually did get a scare though; as we were only 2 exits from the park and spotted a cop with a radar gun. The cop quickly hopped in his car...BUT GOT OFF THE HIGHWAY!
Somehow we survived 3 hours of driving ~30mph over the limit in Ohio.
After quickly parking, we scurried through the city center towards the Great American Ball Park. Coming upon some scalpers, they had 5 seats for us in the right field bleachers; "look, right behind Griffey, you'll be darker than me sitting out there4."
Roach haggled the guy down a bit before we made with the money and moved onto our right field seats. It was definitely hot and we were definitely going to grow darker. Thankfully, we were sitting at the top of bleachers, so a nice wind was blowing off the Ohio River and cooling us down while moving the stagnant air.
The view from our seats.
I took a walk around the concourse of the Great American Ball Park as it was Father's Day and I needed to call the old man.
Looking south from the park you could see the Ohio River and the John A. Roebling suspension bridge4.5 spanning into Northern Kentucky.
The game was wholly uninteresting to me as I didn't have anyone in fantasy and the Sox were already far ahead of my Orioles by this point in the year.
I was humoured by us standing for 'America the Beautiful' where cheerful Clarkson mumbled to me, "God I hate this fucking song."
You can see Clarkson in displeasure at above right and ecstatic patriotic American at left5.
The Red Sox got out to an early and large lead, then ran out the innings en route to a 9-0 dismantling of the Reds.
The five of us made a direct line from the ball park to the car, as we unfortunately had to leave Cincinnati post haste.
It's always nice to visit one of your favourite cities, but it's never long enough.
The drive home from Cincinnati is 4 and a half hours.
The drive was relatively uneventful, although we were impressed by a nasty storm cloud near Lima, and amused by Clarkson finding himself disgusting after not showering the night before, therefore deciding to put his head out the window as some sort of refreshment6.
I was also really excited when I saw this.
Then I realized they were just sharing the sign and it wasn't a Taco Bell inside a Comfort Inn.
Not the most eventful road trip, but a good one nonetheless. Another 2 stadiums off the list and a great weekend with the boys.
Navi
Sources:
1 - CincinnatiTransit.net - John A Roebling Cincinnati Suspension Bridge.